my days with Grandpa

Sorry that i disappeared for a while. Am lost for words. Had spaced out for a few days. Even till now, i can't write anything but only about my grandpa.

4 months ago, i briefly blogged about my experience with Live vs Death. Now, it's my story about death and memories. Grandpa was so healthy and strong. Just infection. infection. I will never forget the scene, i will never forget the ordeal my grandpa went through these months, i will never forget the moment my world came crushing down on me with the one hard cold fact that i can never see my grandpa ever again. i miss his smile. Grandpa smiled only once ever since he admitted in ICU, he smiled to me and my sis on Christmas day. That's the best christmas present that i have received. i thought everything is going to be fine.

I love my grandpa.

Grandparents had been taking care of me ever since i am a baby. I am exceptionally close to my grandpa because he protects me like how Superman will protect Louise. Since young, i have always modelled my grandpa to be some super hero protecting me from grandma's scolding & mom's pressure. (My dad is also another knight protecting this little princess tako since young.) My grandparents has been staying with me since Tako is a child and on every weekends, grandpa will fetch grandma and little Tako back to the old house for a BIG family gathering.

I sticked to him like how a plaster sticks to your skin, even when my grandpa had gathering with his old friends, i would tag along. He will always bring me along without complains, drink from the same teacup, slurping on half-boiled eggs and grandpa would even pick flowers for me.

My first pet in my lifetime, a white rabbit with an attitude, was a surprise gift from my grandpa. I remembered that, i woke up at home to find my grandpa missing and i was terribly upset because he would always drive grandma and me to old house. So that day, i only had grandma to bring me back to old house. I kept bugging my grandma about my grandpa's whereabouts. My grandpa only came back in late afternoon with a box in his hands and he asked me to follow him. When he lowered the box, i saw a little white furball - my lovely pet rabbit. BUT, my parents hate animals (no matter how much i begged them, i cant keep a pet), so the next second, i ask grandpa how to bring it home? Guess what? My grandpa said, " I am Grandpa, I am the one who bought this rabbit for you. So who dares to say no?" So aren't my grandpa a super hero?

Some funny feature if my grandpa dresses me up. At times, my grandpa would be the one who dresses me up like putting on my dress, combing my hair, putting on my socks and shoes, etc. How to know it's my grandpa who dress me up, my dress will be done up wrongly, like the front at the back, so if there's little pockets on the dress, the little pockets will be at the back. My hair will be combed all the way back, no cute little pony tails, but boyish combed-back hair. Fashion mix-take, a dress with a boyish hair. That's my grandpa's mix style!!

my grandpa had never raised his voice on me. Only once, when i was a child, but he talked to me after that, explaining his actions. How many adults during those days, makes an effort to explain to a child about the adults' harsh action? Not a lot, at least in my family.. HAHA. But my grandpa does, he treasures every grandchildren. He talks to every one of us, never scolding us or raising his voice on us. He really treasures and nutures all of us (his children and grandchildren).

i can go on and on and on with all that my grandpa had done for me all my life.. i miss him a lot.

i do not know how i can go on from now on. i can only bite my lips and move on because i still have my grandma to care for. my grandpa loves my grandma a lot. It's true love. The amount of love and concern my grandpa showered on my grandma can make any one of us tear (in embarrassment if we do not know how to love one's marriage partner.) i know my grandpa will want me to take good care of my grandma in his place. But i don't know what can i do. I can't concentrate, i can't focus. Only old memories keep flooding into my head and my heart aches every second. I really do not know.